Friends,
If you are a follower of my blogs, if you know me a bit, if we have been talking together, you also know that being a New Warrior in the ManKindProject means a lot to me.
Today I received an email from a Brother who is fighting his battles against cancer.
He has been told three months ago, he had three months to go.
I have read his message and reread it. It is so beautiful, so life giving, so full of love that I am offering you the possibility to know how my fighting MKP-Brother is feeling right now. He is teaching me quite a lesson. I am asking myself if there is anything more important to be taught than what he is teaching me right here.
If you are willing to help my MKP-Brother in his battle with cancer, you can contribute whatever sum of money to his very expensive treatment. Send me an email and I will send you the information.
Read his letter now.
Men, I confess that when I started to read the beautiful piece that was put out, I felt some anger.
We talk so eloquently about 'death' most of us. And why not? Most of us, I'm glad to say, have had enough of Life to see and feel, to KNOW, the Beauty of it. The sheer Splendour.
Some of us are lucky enough to have a personal relationship with 'that within us all', that which Created us, that which sustains us. That part of us, that inside of us that IS, WAS, and ALWAYS WILL BE.
So of course we're not afraid of death. How can it be 'bad', when something so beautiful, so loving, so magnificently powerful, strong and tender created us with such genius, and death is something that happens to all of us?
So, sure, I'm not afraid of death.
DEATH.
DEATH and DYING
DYING.
DYING.................
Now that's another matter. In our insulated from the real world plastic life of modern times, what do we Warriors know of dying? These days we fight our battles on a carpet, and the word 'SAFETY' is always there at the ready. I'm not belittling the battles we fight. In many ways they are harder and tougher than those of our forebears. And for sure they require courage in large measure. But.
Not many generations ago we fought our battles out in the open, in fields. Our battles STANK. They stank of blood, gore and guts. Blood, piss and shit. And the noise afterwards was that of screaming and moaning. Men, grown men, screaming for their mothers as they tried in disbelief to put their guts back in to their stomachs.
Death, that which happens AFTER WE DIE, IS ONE THING. Gibran, a true Master and Devotee, wrote, "And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?" See attachment for something truly beautiful and profound on the subject.
I am not afraid of death, but I AM afraid of dying.
BIG TIME.
Dying early, with so much left to do.
Pain, unbelievable pain, for hours and hours. Drugged up consciousness, a lack of clarity. How can I meditate on that beauty within when I'M SCREAMING MY FUCKING HEAD OFF?
So much left to do, so many opportunities lost.
The loss of independance. Watching others around me doing things 'on my behalf' that I don't want doing, and I cannot raise the strength to let my will be known. Dependency. Vulnerability.
And the not knowing. How much will it hurt? How long for?
Will I see these new leaves, so beautiful in this spring I was told three months ago I would never see..... will I see them turn to brown and fall on the ground? Will I see next spring?
And I read so much bullshit about 'a better place'. Jesus Christ said, so I'm told, "The Kingdom of Heaven is HERE and NOW. It is inside of you and I." And such is my experience, I am glad to say.
You and I KNOW that there is Hell here on earth. And Heaven. "Thy will be done on Earth, as it is in Heaven" SEE? EARTH IS IN HEAVEN. We can be there now. We DO NOT HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL WE DIE TO GET THERE!!
An Indian Saint, Saint Tulsidas, spoke eloquently of the days in which you and I now live. The Kali Yuga, I believe it's called. "May you live in interesting times, the Chinese say. Tulsidas said, in this time, THE ANGELS THEMSELVES WILL BE QUEUEING UP FOR HUMAN BODIES"
MEN. BROTHERS. NOW is the time to live. To feel with YOUR SKIN the things you love. The dew on the morning grass with your bare feet. The texture of the hair of the dog by your side. The warmth of the sun on your skin. The unbelievable feeling of the breasts of the woman you love, who loves you, and holds you in her feminine Goddess Majesty.
Dying. Losing independence. Being in Pain. And Doubt.
These are things to fear, believe you me.
Time I stopped writing/ranting and got on with my BATTLE TO LIVE!
An Aloe enema, I think, before bed, to try to deal with this gut pain that's been bugging me since I woke up at fiveish this afternoon. The pain caused by the cancer cells I've been happily (and expensively!) murdering with mega doses of Vitamin C (50-100g at a time....)
So time to rid myself of some poison, get to bed (with my loving woman beside me!! Yay Hay!!) and get through another night of sweating out buckets of toxin, getting through three of four soaking tee shirts, to wake in the early hours, pain wracked, and drink a couple of pints of water, take twenty odd pills, have another enema, have a few hours of liberation, of joy, of happiness, of splendour. Of music. Of sunshine, maybe. Of Prayer. And for sure of LOVING. And wait...the Tiger will again stir. Someone said, "so you have good days and bad days, do you , Al?" "No," I answered . "I get a good few hours, then a bad few hours. Days? The Tiger's never that steady, that predictable."
But hey! Riding this bugger is sure BEING ALIVE! Can be a real thrill, sometimes... And I never forget that life is precious. That love is all.
So I leave you, In Joy. Excitement. Having started in anger, fear, and sorrow. How I do love free expression,
Time to say good night to you all,
Your lovin' Brother
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