Ignore your dog

Dear friends,

Underneath you will find the copy of a message I received from Terry-Ann in South-Africa. This lady is practicing what she has been reading about in my weekly letters. Her story is a perfect illustration of how the ignoring of dogs really works. Well, if it did not work, I would not write and speak about it would I?

HI, Bruno,  thought you would like this story.
On Friday I went to fetch my daughter from a friend (I had never met the parents or been there before , as my husband had dropped her off)
They had 4 dogs.
3 jack russels, and a male ridgeback.
They told me the ridgeback and the male jackrussel do not come into the house as they are so excitable, lively and the jack russels fight.
I asked them to do one thing.  I asked the daughter to get up off the floor (as the one jack russel female was on her lap getting attention) and to stand up and be silent.
I asked the mom and my daughter to do the same.
I asked the daughter to let the dogs inside and to ignore all the dogs, not speak, not look at them, not to touch them.
They came inside, sniffed me, (as they hadn’t met me yet), and calmly wandered around, there was no jealousy or aggression at all.
The mother was amazed. Said the dogs had never been so calm before.   She said she was going to have to really work hard to not touch any of them.
I explained to her that she needs to only give attention on her terms, not when they jump up and demand it.  Then the big dog gets into trouble every time as everyone is scared he kills a jack russel if there is a fight.

People always have to jump in and pet and screech around animals!
Few stand back and observe.

Terry-Ann

Dear friends of my dog walking classes,

The good news is...

That the bar at the Trinquet in Murla is open for business again. I have spoken with the new owner Javier and he knows we are coming.

For that reason it is my pleasure to invite you to my dog walking class of this coming Sunday 17.02.2013 in the Murla area.
If you know where the Trinquet in Murla is, meet me at around 10.15 on the parking lot in front of the building, where some of our Spanish friends play "pilota valenciana".
If you want to discover Murla for the first time, come to meet me in Jalon/Xalo next to the library at 9.45 for 10.00. From there we will drive together to the valencian capital of the "pilota".

Gute Nachrichten!

Die Kneipe am "Trinquet" in Murla ist wieder offen. Deswegen schlage ich vor das wir diesen kommenden Sonntag 17.02.2013 wieder mal in Murla spazieren. Wie immer treffen wir uns an der Bibliothek in Jalon um 9.45 fuer 10.00.

Un abrazo de Bruno

Domingo/Sunday/Sonntag/Zondag/Dimanche 10.02.2013

Dear friends,

If you accompanied me during our walk in Orba from last Sunday, you might remember I was speaking about a message I received from Jenny in Cape Town.

Here is what she writes about her relationship with her dog:

Hi Bruno

Thank you for your many interesting and informative emails.

I would like to wish you and your family an awesome 2013. Here is Cape Town it is the height of summer.  Xmas was an extremely busy time for C.T. with many overseas visitors many of whom are still here and enjoying themselves.

I love the long summer days where the sun only sets at 8 in the evening. The early morning and early evening is my time on the beach with Casey...... special times indeed.

Referring to your "Chet" email. ...... Casey has become so in tune with my actions and body language that very often I need only show a finger in a certain direction and he knows what I am "saying" or if I hold my finger up in front of him, he knows to stop immediately.

The two of us learn from each other every day and what a privilege it is

Take care

Love

Jenny

Underneath you will find a copy of another letter I received from Terry-Ann in South Africa. I highlighted a few words in order to make it clear that readers in other continents can have the same experiences with their dogs as we have here in Europe.
Believe me: the cross between a Great Dane and a St Bernard is a HUGE dog.

hI Bruno,

An interesting article.

Makes sense of the situation I experienced a few  months ago.

We live on a farm, so our dogs dont know other dogs.

I have made good strides with them, I have 6, and now can walk off lead with all of them freely in the valley, through the vineyards.  I used to be so nervous of meeting other people, - now, they understand I am calm, I dont find the strangers interesting, and they give a bark, sniff and move on with me.

I still never know who and what I will encounter, labourers, (sometimes with their dogs), mountain bikers, joggers , drunk farm workers....

This particular time I was heading home around the dam, and did not see the worker and his child and 2 dogs coming towards me (the reeds were high).

My huge great-dane X st Bernard male took off after the dogs, and there was chaeos. He had the little dog in his paws, mouth over him, I shouted NO! And headed in the opposite direction as if nothing had happened. He sniffed the screeching terrified dog (which was sitting down) as you mentioned in your mail, which makes sense about submissive position. 

I see one of the dogs I recently adopted, she is a small (boerboel, type) and very submissive.  She is definitely bottom of the rankings , and often when approaching the others, she tucks her bottom in, towards the ground to show submission.  She never looks for a fight and the others know she is not challenging their positions.

Thanks for interesting articles always.

My big male – I just show him my open hand held outwards and he sits, he is very perceptive and strangely enough, easily controllable on my walks.

Terry-Ann

THIS COMING SUNDAY

This coming Sunday 10.02.2013 I will take you along for a walk we have never done together in Alcalali.
We will meet as usual behind the library building in Jalon at 9.45 for 10.00.

DIESEN KOMMENDEN SONNTAG 10.02.2013

lade ich sie ein fuer einen Spaziergang in Alcalali ein, wo wir noch nie zusammen gewandert haben. 
Wir treffen uns wie immer um 9.45 fuer 10.00 an der Bibliothek in Jalon.

Un abrazo de Bruno

I Should

Dear friends,

It is now more than 20 years ago since I first started working with dog loving persons.
Over the years I have learned how to really understand dogs. How to really communicate with them.
For my clients I became the interpreter of what dogs are telling me, each time translating it in human languages. What I read in the body language of dogs is always true.
That is why it is, according to me, so easy to understand dogs.
By the way, what you read in my body language and what I read in yours is, according to me, also always true.
My work with dogs and their handlers still fascinates me because the more I teach the more I learn.
It took a while before I could understand the real meaning of some words used by humans.
Years ago I wrote about a few peculiar words in English that are being used by many clients and pupils.
Some of these words are "Sorry", "normally", "generally" and "I have to".
But the most damaging word, creating for us an enormous amount of shame and guilt, is according to me the word SHOULD.
As I keep on hearing so many people using the word SHOULD, I want to write about it again.
This violent word SHOULD, which we commonly use to evaluate ourselves, is so deeply ingrained in our consciousness that many of us would have trouble imagining how to live without it. It is the word SHOULD, as in
"I should have known better", or "I should not have done that", or "I should take more Schuessler minerals", or "I should learn how to deal with my dog", or "I should train more with my dog", or "I should give up smoking", or "I should exercise more", etc....

Most of the time when we use SHOULD, we resist learning, because SHOULD implies we have no choice. Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because a demand threatens our autonomy and our strong need for choice. We have this reaction to any kind of tyranny even when it is a demand coming from the internal dictator called "SHOULD". 
Humans keep saying I SHOULD and keep resisting doing what they should, because we were not meant to be slaves. We also were not meant to succumb to dictators called "I SHOULD" or "I HAVE TO", whether this dictators live in a palace in the capital city or inside of ourselves.
"SHOULD" is a very damaging word, because when we say it, we are in effect saying "I AM WRONG". Saying "I SHOULD" we are punishing ourselves. I think we do not need more "wrongs" in our life and we do not need to punish ourselves.
What we need is to have more freedom of choice and more love in our lives.

Do you want an immediate solution?

The solution I propose is to replace "I SHOULD" with a sentence like

"IF I REALLY WANTED TO, I COULD...".

Here are some examples:

"If I really wanted to, I could take Schuessler minerals".

"If I really wanted to, I could learn how to deal with my dog."

"If I really wanted to, I could stop smoking/eating junk food/drinking too much alcohol/ taking drugs..."

Do you see how you have a choice when you use this kind of sentence instead of saying "I should"?

If you really want to do something, you can do it, or not do it.
Now it is your decision to do it or not do it.
And it will be your responsability to do it or not do it.
Try it out.
You will soon see how it positively influences your life and the life of your dog.

From Bruno with love.

Recommended reading
"Nonviolent Communication. A language of life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
"You can heal your life" by Louise L. Hay