Denial

I once had a friend called Peter. He was what could be called a jolly good fellow. But he was also an alcoholic. There was an ongoing battle between Peter and his wife. She was constantly hiding bottles of alcohol, but Peter was very good in finding them. He was also good in denial. Whenever he had a bruised nose, arm or leg because he had once more fallen flat on his face, it had never anything to do with the fact he was intoxicated. No it was because there was this rotten carpet, or a loose tile, or a bad staircase that was the cause of his accidents. He was in denial until the very last bottle he drank. Then he fell for the last time and was dead.
But I do not want to talk about junkies who are in denial with their addiction. Today I am writing to you about the denial I see in some of my clients.

Understanding what my dogs tell me, gives me a warm feeling of satisfaction. Noticing how they understand what I want, fills my heart with friendship and love for them.
Have you ever had similar feelings?

When I visit clients, I often experience positive vibrations between myself and their dogs. Strangely enough many clients call their pet a MAD dog. It fills my heart with pure joy when I see how these so-called MAD dogs respond positively to my body language. Often I can notice the asking look in their eyes, telling me clearly:

I Am Not Mad; I Am In A Position Where I Do Not Want To Be. Please Help Me. I Do Not Get The Leadership I Want.

Sometimes the carers of the dog see the changes in their pet a few minutes after my arrival. They might say things like: We have never seen our dog like this with visitors. The process might take a few minutes, or it might take an hour, but without talking to the dog, without touching and without looking at her/him, I am telling this stressed animal:

You do not have to worry anymore. I am in charge now. You can relax.

As soon as the dog gets the message (s)he will become calmer, lie down and then I can wait for something that makes me really happy. That something is a deep sigh I will notice when the dog lies down on her/his side and closes her/his eyes. We now have a relaxed dog. Maybe this dog who was running, jumping, barking and panting just a few minutes ago, can feel relaxed for the first time in years. When this happens I am filled with gratitude for my beloved teachers. As you know, my beloved teachers are dogs. When I imitate the behaviour of a stable pack leader, all dogs recognize the signals and respond to it accordingly. Why would they not respond? I am speaking to them in their language, which is of course body language.

One day I received a magnificent present from a dog that had bitten his carers several times. When I visited my clients, they were eager to show me their wounds. The dog showed me something else. He showed me he was eager to learn and he responded immediately to me. I could do everything I wanted to do with him. Although I had never seen him before it was as if we had known each other for a long time. Unfortunately the clients did not get the same response from their dog, as they had difficulties implementing what I suggested.

A few months later I got an urgent message from the same clients telling me:

We need your help because we do have a big problem with Bobby. During our evening walk we were just standing with Bobby on the lead, when suddenly Bobby decided, as he does quite regularly, to jump up and bite our hands and arms.

Immediately upon entering the home of my clients I felt the dog was asking me urgently for help. While I was looking at him out of the corner of my eye, he was sitting right in front of me. He did not move, but was sitting still like a statue. That moment I felt I could do something unusual with him. I faced the sitting dog, looked in his eyes, while very slowly bending my body forwards. The dog gazed into my eyes for a few seconds, averted his look and lied down.
I was so grateful for the trust he put in me, I could have cuddled him. But I did not do it. I kept my calm assertive energy vibrant in the room and looked at my clients. I saw the surprise on their faces. Here they had a dog that is biting them, while this man who calls himself a dog listener only has to look at their pet in order to make him lie down.
(((I have to warn you here: If you are not a professional, please do not do this with any dog because you might get in serious trouble. What I did was not an innocent game. It was the result of decades of experience and of a deep feeling of understanding between an experienced human and a trusting animal.)))
Back home I did send my clients an email message, adding a list of rules to be observed by them when dealing with their pet.
A few days later they replied how they were doing their best and.... how they were making exceptions to my rules.
I am not going to say I felt like a MAD DOG, but I felt angry and agitated.
These clients have a real dangerous situation at home (Had they forgotten how they had written to me: When we came home from the walk our arms and hands were covered in blood) and nevertheless they are, like Cesar Milan writes, happily paddling down the river of denial.

Denial is a powerful force in human lives. For some of us, our dogs become projections of our own Egos and we see them the way we want to see ourselves. However, until we see ourselves the way we really are, we cannot help our dogs. One of the hardest things for any human being to do is to admit a mistake and change a behaviour. Most clients keep on telling me how nice their dog is and how they adore her/him. At the same time they are blaming their pets for the unresolved issues in their own lives. For me as an observer it is obvious they are avoiding these issues or are unaware of them.
If you are having difficulties with your dog, the first thing to do is take a good, honest look within. The second thing you have to do is to cultivate calm assertive energy.
If clients are not willing to do that, it becomes very difficult for me to help them.
But if you have the courage and the consistency to travel on the road of personal development, there will be very positive changes not only in the life with your dog, but most of all in the life you lead with yourself and with anyone around you.